California

When life feels like a revolving door

   A continuous and unchanging life cycle

      In a twist of fate, the door stops -

you go to California.

The Drive

   Hopping into a car - 

       For seven hours, filling the air with anxiety - fear

          your stomach churns, but the car is already rolling

No backing out now.

     The destination feels so close yet so far

        you attempt to lose yourself amist conversation

             But it lingers - the pit in your stomach refusing to get any lighter

you're arriving soon - its right around the corner

   Missing the turn intentionally to ground yourself

      Refusing to look a fool.

Finally making it, you find yourself surrounded by old and new faces

    Locking eyes with those who feel unknown - anxiety creeps

       Awkward conversation filling in the inevitable silence. 

          your ears ring - eyes unable to focus on whats in front of you

You make your way back to the car - its more full this time -

    Conversating with those around - a feeble attempt at controlling yourself

      The words fall out of your mouth - do you even know what you're saying?

          Stomach churning with uncertainty - should you have come at all?

Making it to the area in which you'd be staying for the next days - it still doesn't feel real

The Night

    Walls crumble - break due to the weight of alcohol

       you begin to feel lighter - these aren't new faces

          But friends you've known this whole time - friends.

Remembrance loosens your sense of familiarity - you feel okay again.

    The blinks get longer - the night gets shorter.

The Morning

you wake up in an unknown bed

    A sense of discomfort - fear

       As the conversation of the night leaks before you

          Regret and anxiety peek their heads once more

This will stay with you for the rest of time.

The Aquarium

Once again - the car a now more familar place

     The ride seems never ending - your stomach heavy

         you take a moment, leaving earlier than the others

             Thinking.

Meeting up, you walk a couple paces behind 

    Watching the heads of those who care

        Staring - attempting to carve it into your brain

           you don't want to forget this view

Taking pictures as if the moment would fade without them

    Looking at the creatures behind the glass you begin to feel the same

      As though you aren't in the same world as those familiar faces - those friends

Is this real?

The Arcade

 The arrival was overwhelming 

    Attempts at grounding yourself have failed

       A familiar voice - your best friend

          Walks with you - talking

Short and subtle - but comforting 

   A reminder that you exist - the brick feels lighter

     Even if it still lingers.

Time passes quickly - you barely remember rolling the ball

   Or singing at the karaoke - but the videos and pictures prove its existance.

The Second Night

   It's a quiet night - exhaustion fills the air

     Everyone moves quickly - sleeping or talking

       A moment of silence before a conversation sparks

Clearing the air 

   A tinge of guilt - the brick feels heavy

     But its your responibility

       you listen - doing your best to understand and comfort

This is okay.

The Second Morning

  It's a late start to the morning 

     People move quickly, cleaning and packing

         you look around - trying to remember the place

            A final look at the place in which you've made memories

your next destination is a home full of love

    The air is different from when you last came

        It's no longer awkward - air filled with familiar conversations

          Lingering in the moment - the comfort

Another drive.

The Good-byes

    It feels as though the time passes quickly

       A quick brunch - an attempt to make the time go slower

           The small drive that takes no time at all

A little hug - A farewell to one

   Two more stops.

     Dropping by that love filled house

         A firm handshake - A little wave.

Another goodbye to two.

    The last drive.

       That 7 hour drive filled with anxiety - fear

         Now filled with a small warmth 

Sleeping in the backseat allows time to travel quickly once more

The Hour.

   you drive the last hour home.

      A moment to think and reflect on the days before.

         you have no choice but accept the regret - it brings unwelcomed thoughts

              With that comes acknowlegment - that to a degree you existed in that moment

Making it home - your revolving door close.

   The final friend staying the night - sleeping in your own bed

     When the morning comes you're exhausted.

        The morning brings the last goodbye - a word and wave.

Home.

The revolving door starts.

   But you won't forget that it stopped.

     Even if for a moment. 

Thank you. To my friends. 

   Sal 

   Emma 

   Mustard 

   Jarred